How to Sneak into the Vinoy Resort Pool

The Renaissance Vinoy Resort in the Old Northeast of Saint Petersburg is my dream wedding reception venue. It's history is rich and the ballroom has a Dale Chihuly chandelier, Isla de la Luna, that is without a doubt, one of the most beautiful pieces of artwork I've ever seen.

When Ryan and I moved to St. Pete we were lucky enough to snag a temporary place in the Old Northeast. Unfortunately, buying a home in this neighborhood is out of the question until our incomes significantly increase. But for now, living within walking distance of the Vinoy is good enough for me. The pool is an amenity we enjoy taking advantage of--even if it is reserved for guests only.

After being kicked out of the Vinoy pool area on more than one occasion, I decided to creatively use the manipulative thinking I had picked up from a few overly intelligent, underrated con-artists I knew in Daytona Beach. Below you will find my step-by-step instructions to sneaking into the Vinoy pool. If you follow them carefully I believe you too will find the success Ryan and I have enjoyed!

How to Sneak in to the Vinoy Pool

1. Get a light blue towel (you will need one per person sneaking in). Ryan and I just so happen to have light blue towels in our bathroom so we brought those the first time. However, the Vinoy towels are slightly smaller than regular shower towels and the edges are a light blue, white mixture--very hard to impersonate. I recommend grabbing a couple of abandoned Vinoy towels once you're in. Take them home, wash them and reserve them for sneaking in to the Vinoy so you don't stand out.

2. Travel light. Remember, you're pretending to stay at the resort so all of your stuff should be upstairs in your room. I bring an oversize purse with a magazine, book, sunscreen, and our wallets (also, don't pack too much stuff because you'll need the space on the way out, see #5). Carry your light blue towel over your arm so its easily seen. Do not bring your own cups or bottles! This is a dead give away, you probably don't have a refrigerator, ice maker and solo cups in your room so where did it come from? Spend the money at the bar for a cocktail--hell, you're on vacation, right?

3. When you walk in, there is a schedule of the weekend's events listed on a big screen, Samsung TV. Stop and check out the events. I prefer to find a wedding so I have a last name to attach myself to. If you mimic that choice, pick the easier of the two last names and say it a few times to yourself so you don't make a mistake if you have to say it later. Make sure you know what time the event starts--because why would you be at the pool at 5:30PM if the reception started at 5:00PM? Also, choose to be someone who is important enough not to question without being the bride. For example, the Cousine Brown wedding. Brown is obviously the name I'm going with because I'm not sure how to pronounce the other name ("cousin" or "couseen," save yourself the headache). Since Brown is listed second, that's the groom's name. I'll be the groom's sister-in-law; I'm married to the groom's brother. Therefore, I'm Allison Brown. Oh, and we're newly weds, that's why my license still says Cox. Get it?

4. Walk out to the pool, with your light blue towel over your arm and past the attendants at the gate without making eye contact. Either talk to the person you're with or pretend to be scanning the pool deck for someone you know. Pick seats that are far from the attendants so they don't feel the need to talk to you or offer you anything. If you want a drink find a cocktail waitress. Although they have the similar outfits to the attendants, it's easy to tell the difference because the cocktail waitresses have brown or black aprons around their waist. Do not talk to the attendants!!! Only talk to the cocktail waitresses; these girls accept cash, credit card, or room numbers so they're getting tipped regardless--they don't care where you came from. If you do order from the cocktail waitress tip at least 20%--you're trying to stay on their good side.

Attendants at their post. Avoid them and the post at all costs. I know that water looks good but your cocktail waitress will be happy to bring you a glass. 

Cocktail waitress = your new best friend (tip accordingly)

5. Remember when I said not to carry too much stuff because you'd need the space in your oversized purse? When you leave the pool, stuff the light blue towels in your bag. Otherwise, the attendants will try to take them from you. If you don't have that much room, stuff your clothes in your bag and wrap the towel around your body--they won't ask for a towel that is covering your goods.

Enjoy your time at the Vinoy pool! The mojitos are divine, ask to upgrade to top shelf rum for an extra dollar. And if you ever see "Cox Schmitt Wedding" on the schedule, tell them your with Allison--I got your back.

♥ A