The Scariest Moment of My Life

Last night I experienced the most horrifying moment of my entire life. It was late, almost midnight, and I was still up cleaning, doing laundry and filling some orders for our cottage food bakery, Max and Jonah's. M was sound asleep and had been since about 8:30. She had gotten shots early in the evening and was really tired when bed time rolled around.

I snuck in her room to put some laundry away. I only turned the hall light on, so I didn't bother her. When I walked in, I looked at her, peacefully sleeping. She was quiet and still--almost too still, I thought and then smiled at myself for having such a worried mom thought. She was fine, I told myself lightly. 

It took several trips in and out of her room to bring in and put away all the laundry. Once I finished hanging her little dresses, I was done. But before sneaking back out and carefully shutting the door, I was going to steal a kiss. I gently sat on the side of her bed and looked down. She really was unusually quiet, even if she was sleeping. I noticed a watermark on her sheet, by her mouth, as if she'd been drooling. Then I noticed food around her mouth--but it couldn't be, I gave her a bath after dinner, right before bed.

She was snuggling her blanky, I pulled it from her grip, it was soaked an covered with food. Vomit. "Mila" I said in a low voice as gently nudged her shoulder--I had to wash her face and change her jammies and sheets, I couldn't leave her life that--but she didn't respond. Fear, the heart-sinking kind. Almost blackout, paralyzingly fear. "MILA" I said much louder rolling her onto her back from her side and finally noticing that she was laying in a huge pool of vomit. Her body had been covering it but there was much more than just a little spit up. Her jammies were covered and soaked and her hair and side of her face were caked with it.

This moment took only a second but the world stopped. I absorbed everything, I had a distinct sense of clarity. I was aware of every detail. As I waited for her to respond I collected her into my arms, repeating her name and running through first responder protocol in my head--four years of lifeguarding and renewing my CPR certification annually prepared me for a moment like this for someone else, I never thought I'd need it for my own daughter. That one second was the scariest I've ever lived though.

As time moved into a second second, Mila sleepily opened and rubbed her eyes, confused to see me at that time of night. With an emotional gasp and tears in my eyes, I pulled her into my chest, taking no mind to the vomit I was coincidentally covering myself with. We made our way to the shower, put on fresh jammies and snuggled in my bed with Chopped glowing from the TV. I completely aborted my laundry and baking responsibilities, texting Ryan to wrap things up when he got home from his late night tutoring session. 

You always hear how one second can feel like minutes, and sometimes you think you've experienced it. But you will never quite understand that feeling so much as when you're waiting to see if your child will wake up after vomiting in her sleep.

Mila slept fine the rest of the night in our bed. No more vomit. The doctor mentioned she might get sick after the chicken pox shot, and she was right. No fever or anything, just an untimely vomit.

❤A